Did I chain myself naked to railings, I hear you say? Am I languishing in some filthy hovel of a Spanish prison cell waiting for the UK ambassador to intervene and rescue me from the depths of depravity lest little old me becomes jail bait for some hulking great brut doing porridge for murder? Well, do read on interested one and you will find out! 

To set the scene – a history lesson for you: Back in time, long before any of the residential development at Vera Playa was ever built, the officially designated naturist beach existed – wild and natural. 

In the early days, only the naturist hotel and campsite were there. Then, just south of the hotel the completely naturist ‘zone’ of individual naturist urbanisations was built – connected by public streets where, to this day, you are free to walk naked around the ‘zone’ and down to the beach. This is considered the ‘main’ section of the naturist beach even though the officially designated section stretches further than people think, beyond the naturist residential ‘zone’ where textile urbanisations have in latter years been built - two kilometres in total, and because the backdrop of modern development has adhered to strict guidelines, it is all low rise – no ugly towering blocks – the only thing soaring above you is the beautiful mountain backdrop. 

The Playazo (massive beach stretching the whole sweep of the bay) comes under the jurisdiction of the Vera town hall and the two kilometers of officially designated naturist beach is just a small part of the bigger stretch. There is no formal demarcation saying you are either entering or leaving the naturist section – nor does the town hall think there needs to be because Vera town hall are fully aware of the all-round financial benefits naturist tourism brings the area and are very supportive of our cause. Just look at any of the official Vera marketing and it always makes room to promote not just the Playazo but the naturist section and zone too. 

It’s always nice that the town mayor comes and makes a special presentation at the annual naked run within the naturist zone – presenting the prize to the winner and telling how important the naturist euro is to the area when he gives his speech at the end. That’s fine, because Vera council continues jurisdiction of the massive beach beyond the southern boundary of the naturist section. At the northern boundary of the naturist beach though, Vera town hall’s boundary ends, and another town hall – Cuevas del Almanzora – begins. It is this separate council who have decided to erect a sign at the northern boundary of naturist and non-naturist beach prohibiting the practice of naturism beyond that point. 

It is written into the Spanish constitution that it is perfectly legal and okay to be naked on any of Spain’s beautiful beaches. This doesn’t affect our beautiful naturist beach, because we are still free to continue to use the 2km of designated beach as nature intended, but the issue nevertheless is that by prohibiting being naked on the ‘textile’ beach, Cuevas del Almanzora town hall are actually at odds with the Spanish constitution. So, with this in mind, the Spanish naturist association and the International Naturist Federation (INF) organised a rather exciting sounding ‘protest’ at the offending sign one day last week. 

I’ve never considered myself a radical, even back in my student days – many years ago – I would roll my eyes heavenward when fellow students tried to enrol me in the student union on account of some flaky issue that bothered them. 

We got a Whatsapp message from a Spanish neighbour the night before telling us of the protest. So, off we marched along the beach not before ringing the doorbells of friends and neighbours telling them of their civic duty to protest. 

In typically Spanish relaxed style, the protestors continued to swim and sunbathe right up to the last moment before finally dragging themselves away from their water front spots.

Meanwhile, the rest of us northern Europeans, including our German neighbours – all fastidious about time keeping - were stood at the protest spot an age before our Spaniard friends.

So, they were ready for us. TV cameras, crew, reporters, riot police – ready for a bun fight…then the protest started…It was all a flash in a saucepan really. We didn’t even cross the line into Cuevas del Almanzora territory…we just waved a little red flag that said in Spanish “leave your clothes here – naturist beach” as if to say “so there” …then went home. 

It made the national news that evening, and it was fun watching the telly and saying “ooh, that’s so and so” but that was it. The beach is still there, the naturists are still enjoying it, the sun is still shining, the sea is still gorgeous…life in paradise goes on! Weeelllll, it’s something to talk about I ‘spose. 

We’ve also had the annual Dreambeach festival…over 150,000 young’uns descending on the area for the five-night techno dance festival. We were all young once and I don’t begrudge the youngsters having their fun, but I am far too old for all that jungle music – if it was an 80’s revival festival then yours truly would be there ‘biggin’ it up large like’ as I think they say, but sadly it is, and I’m not, so let’s just say we’re glad it’s all over. 

We had some glorious Kiwis (no, not the fruit darlings, the nationality) staying with us over the dance festival period. Steve had already warned them when they booked last year about Dreambeach, so, on our recommendation, they booked a two week stay at our 'Almodóvar' apartment, fled to the mountains for the Dreambeach nights, then came back and stayed another two weeks in our 'Mediterráneo' apartment (I think they call that in the biz a ‘twin centre break’ you know).

Well, they just love it here and are already musing over dates for next year. Not only do they love all that VP has to offer, but they appreciate how you can take yourself off exploring to other Spanish naturist havens all within a couple of hours drive away! 

So, that’s what’s been keeping old Steve busy the last few days – opening up the calendar for 2019 bookings, phoning the waiting list, etc. Someone even wanted to book 2019 AND 2020!! Alright for some, eh…but we simpletons can only deal with one year at a time. 

Well, that’s all for now folks. No doubt some drama will have happened in time for my next blog, but hopefully I’ll still be free and out of prison to tell the tale. In the meantime, I’ve got a red flag to go wave at someone…